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Renee Vivian
07 June 2011 @ 11:10 pm
There is semblance of stability. We aren't moving. Leo and I are great. That's enough for now.


I am starting to date an awesome lady. She's nifty, and I like her but it isn't 100% fireworks. It is a bit more comfortable and grown up than that, but I'm not sure if that means anything bad or good or whatever for the future. We're taking it slow and she's also kinda dating Leo, but only kinda.

Leo had an awesome date with a local girl, but they she went way weird on him. *le sigh* He isn't doing so well with that for the past while. I haven't the interest in giving out or deeply reviewing these particular details, but as always he thinks better of whatever girl who isn't being very nice to him than I do. I think she's dishonest, overly emotional, and a flake.

Is it all good? Good enough? Or is it more tempting to pick up the snowglobe and give it a good shake?
Renee Vivian
25 March 2011 @ 12:55 am
Things keep changing. I kinda want them to settle. Happiness, stability, sexytime, and no crazy. Definitely, definitely, no crazy. We'll see how it works.

Maybe I should get a medal because I am being at least a little bit extra awesome.
Renee Vivian
So, I still don't really know what's happening in my own life.

1. Leo got one job offer and will likely turn it down. They cannot offer him anything to complete with his current position, the location is total crap, and they aren't even offering me a measly part time gig. Seriously. Bagh! It annoys me probably in ways not justifiable by logic. We're lucky not to need this job. Technically negotiations are still going on. I doubt anything will come of it.

2. I cannot tell if the lady I like is really seriously crazy busy, or just not interested. I cannot tell, and usually I am reasonably good at that sort of things. She expressed some concerns, after I brought up the issue, at the end of our second date about the potential for Leo and me to leave town. Totally reasonable. Then she has tech problems, I go out of town, and am super busy when I get back. In any case. I have no idea.

3. Leo does campus interview at pretty good school in mega fabulous town starting next Thursday. I guess this sort of means that we could hear back from them as early as the 28th. It will probably not be so soon, but anything is possible.

4. My own academic work. I am beginning to get comments on the diss draft from ye olde advisor, but I just feel like this whole process is running on a treadmill. Will I ever graduate? Does it even matter?
Renee Vivian
24 February 2011 @ 12:24 pm
So, here's the contents of the most exciting past several hours.

1. I went out on a lovely date with a beautiful, smart, kind, neat woman. We have tons in common and the date was super good. We ate a nice meal, took a good walk, sat down at some outside tables to talk some more till we got too cold. She said that she wasn't done talking with me *squeee* and came to my house. We sat on my couch and talked and laughed some more. It was a really great time. I was so excited by the date's success I was anticipating a bit of a cuddle hug and perhaps a kiss on her way out the door. Her goodbye was friendly and quick, so I got worried.  (me, a worrier?) Then online comments about her being nervous but thinking that I am good and cute were very reassuring. All in all = very happy!

2. Had a great night with Leo after that. We watched some good sci-fi, had a lovely romp, and generally bonded till bedtime. I love my happy marriage.

3. Today Leo hears about a strong job possibility in a former town of ours. This is major MAJOR excitement for us. I feel super happy, but also a few other things. I cannot help it. No job has shown even a sliver of interest in me this year and that sucks. I feel bad about myself sometimes even though I know that the odds are terrible and that the market is historically and catastrophically bad. I also don't feel as eager to leave town as Leo. I've come to like where we live and though I like this new city far more, I'd be sad to leave all of the friendships I've been building here. There's no doubt that if we have good work opportunities we'll take them. I think we'd go even if he were the only one to have a good firm opportunity, just because the possibilities are significantly wider there.

Who knows what will happen. There is no good reason to worry about it all now.
Renee Vivian
23 February 2011 @ 01:09 am
So, Leo and I went on an outing with a new friend tonight. It was super fun and I get the feeling that there is some good chemistry there and interest despite the fact that she is newly and monogamously dating a boy. No pressure from my end, but I still got some date-y vibes. Hrm. On the plus side, she's not ridiculously young(23) or irresponsible*. Friends are good and dates are good, so I'm not going to worry about anything. Hurrah!

More definitely, I will be going out on a date tomorrow in the early evening. Dinner with a cool lady who I admire and want to get to know better. She is a touch older than I am (4 years) and has two children. She lives not exactly in town, but comes to my area very regularly for social and professional reasons. Thinking of these factors in the abstract would totally eliminate someone from the OKC dating pool. Meeting and getting to know someone cool with a different life than mine feels very different and positive. I don't know what will happen; she's already very committed to a relationship with some elements of D/s. On the plus side, we have tons in common. *optimism*

*The last two women to show real interest in me were 20 and 21. Eeek! I am not old, but I am not into that kind of imbalance. Please only try to date me after you've gotten your BA or figured out somethings about life and yourself.
Current Mood: fabulous
Renee Vivian
22 February 2011 @ 11:11 am
I only just realized that the absence between August and today leaves this poor journal a bit under-appreciated and behind the times. So, the important bits in bullet points.

-Leo and I participate even more in the local kink scene. *two thumbs up* I actually help make things happen now.

-We got to know lots and lots of people but haven't wanted to date/play with/etc with most of them. Sometimes they are attractive, even VERY attractive, but unless the smarts are there I am simply not interested.

-I chose not to date a certain tiny 20 year old even though we are good friends. She needs a mentor and not a Mrs. Robinson. I do not need the responsibility of dating someone who I'd constantly be telling not to skip class. Seriously.

-The Craiglist ad came to naught.

-Life is very full and wonderful. I'd still love to meet a brilliantly fabulous lady, but I'm happy as is. That is a good thing.
Renee Vivian
01 August 2010 @ 03:52 pm
-Had a good talk with Mohawk. We are going to be good friends, but acknowledge the potential/continuing attraction. She wants to meet someone who doesn't already have a committed primary partner. Very reasonable.

-Leo didn't succeed with the lady. She's back with her ex, monogamously but still wants to be friends. I'm sure we'll be friendly, but she lives a good bit away so I doubt we can actually become that close without the kind of effort that it is difficult to muster out of this situation.  A wee bit sad about this.

-In an optimistic mood, Leo and I put up a very honest Craigslist ad talking about how we really would like to meet someone to date together even though we're fine dating separately and don't have any expectations that it would or could be an insta-triad. So far, one couple has replied and we've been bombarded with spam. My expectations were high, but now I know just how unpopular unicorn hunters are, even when they are nice and honest.

-Summer is good, but I fear when things get busy.
Renee Vivian
24 July 2010 @ 04:10 pm
-I guess I was wrong. I saw Mohawk at the party and she was very very friendly and I asked her about a few things and she had her reasons and really wants things to continue and develop. I'm not so sure. We'll talk Sunday, but I don't think things have very much potential.

-The Gentleman Caller was at the same party and not at all coming on too strong, but not impressive. He's just not as smart as I'd like, but has some idea that he's very bright and tried to be impressive. Really, Mohawk doesn't really measure up in the intellect department either. I likes em smart, and not just smarter than the average, but more like top 10% of the population or significantly better. And they have to be decent looking, politically reasonable, have interesting hobbies, give off at least a touch of counter-culture vibe, and have some life goals. I accept that these are ridiculously high standards, and I will never blame anyone for not measuring up, but nor will I abandon them without my own strong desire to do so, nor will I feel guilty about them.
Renee Vivian
23 July 2010 @ 08:36 am
-So, I think Mohawk maybe moving on rather quickly and efficiently without talking with me about it. Honestly, I don't mind that much since I'm discovering that we aren't that compatible, but I do love communication. Hopefully we can talk on Sunday.

-Leo had a very enjoyable interlude with a woman the other day, and hopes to develop a relationship with her. It seems now that she may have been a bit selective in the information she gave him and may be getting back together with a monogamous partner very soon and leave poor Leo in the dust. The scenario sounded so promising at first, but now I'm feeling a bit suspicious and concerned.

-A fellow from the local kink scene asked me out. I don't know how I feel about this. He's of the rare once-every-year-or-two males that I'm attracted to, but I still have no urge to do many things men expect when they are with women. Maybe my attraction to him is more for kink activities and less related to vanilla sexual expression. Maybe we should talk about this, or maybe I should just steer clear and keep my brand of complication out of his life.

-Leo and I are doing really really well. We love summers together and really enjoy having time for each other. I could use some more demonstrations that he physically desires me, but sometimes I don't want that, so I cannot blame him for not being particularly demonstrative.

-The urge for displays of physical desire maybe vanity right now. I gained a good bit of muscle and lost five pounds recently and look better than I have in more than a year. It makes me a bit of a meat head. Right now I just want to enjoy my sexiness, work out, and have fun.
Renee Vivian
25 June 2010 @ 01:46 am
- I was also a big brave person and told a dear friend that I do not like her in that way, instead of being avoidant Iike I can sometimes be. Knowing her, she'll appreciate this and it will help us to become better friends. I hope so.

-Leo has expressed an interest in being more active in looking for someone to date. I support this, and I'm totally curious about what sorts of ladies he'll find.